Have you been the victim of an assault?
Teaching people to not be “victims” of assault is what I do.
It is what I have tried to do for a few decades now and I have been told by people from all over the world, and all sorts of government agencies, that I am very good at it.
Being an “assault victim” is a different frame of mind from having been “assaulted.”
Notice the tense of each? The reference to time? The choice of words? It frames how you think.
You STILL ARE A VICTIM or you WERE ATTACKED. Take your pick.
“I am an assault victim” or “I was assaulted”.
You may have been assaulted the past but there is no need to label yourself as a “victim” at all.
You almost always had a choice of taking steps to help prevent an assault (or heart attacks or getting fat for that matter) from happening.
Body language, lack of assertive confidence, strategic & tactical choices, and a lot of other factors demonstrate to predators that you are a target.
Do these steps always protect you? NO, of course not. But you need to take appropriate steps if you want to improve your odds.
If you chose not to even take those steps then that is on you. You probably made choices that made you a target, a “victim”.
These choices were not necessarily conscious ones or there may have been extenuating circumstances – being a defenseless child is an obvious example.
But frequently adults who were assaulted go through various stages where they realize mistakes were made, even if they do not acknowledge it.
“Why me?”… then “What if?”… “Why didn’t I…” “If I had only…”
You have to choose to change how you think, how you carry yourself, how you look at the world.
Getting out if the habit of thinking like a “victim” is not easy or even simple but it can be done.
Sometimes you only need a healthy level of paranoia. You are often the most vulnerable when you feel the most comfortable.
Most of this comes down to Wolves, Sheep and Sheepdogs.
First thing to understand are the Sheep.
The Sheep are a large and important segment of our society. We need them to do almost everything.
They go through life, often bumping onto each other and occasionally annoyed with each other.
The key is that Sheep usually only hurt each other on accident.
There is nothing wrong with being one of the Sheep.
The problem is that choosing to think and act like one of the Sheep -like a victim- makes one easy prey for the Wolves.
One of the Sheep thinking and acting like a Sheep is an easy and simple choice, but one the Sheep may pay the price for.
If you want to choose the easy way then don’t whine saying “Why me?” or “But this is such a nice neighborhood!” if you are assaulted.
Many people have no real understanding of violence and may even use their fear of violence to hide from the realities of it.
That leads is to the threat: Wolves.
Wolves are different than Sheep because Wolves hurt people on purpose.
Wolves move among the Sheep and try to prey on the Sheep whenever they desire.
Wolves often hide among the Sheep -a Wolf in Sheep’s clothing- and can be hard to spot.
Wolves often hunt in packs and wait to target the weakest and most vulnerable prey.
The Wolves are frequently on the prowl looking for vulnerable Sheep.
Wolves choose easy prey that is isolated from the protection of the Sheepdogs and the rest of the Sheep.
They may do this ruthlessly in mere moments without the Sheep having enough time to come to terms with how much danger they were really in.
“Remember: When seconds count, help is only minutes away.”
Then there are the Sheepdogs. Sheepdogs exist in part to protect the Sheep from the Wolves.
Sheepdogs are usually under no obligation to put themselves in harm’s way to protect the Sheep.
However they often do so anyway and get little appreciation for it, sometimes they get derision and scorn for it!
Many Sheep fear or dislike the Sheepdogs for various reasons.
Some feel this way because the Sheepdogs tell them what to do, where to go, or have too much power.
Others because they fear the Sheepdogs, who remind them too much of the Wolves.
Maybe they have encountered a “bad {sheep}dog” who was merely a Wolf in disguise.
Sometimes they see a Sheepdog that is forced to make a split-second decision that may end a life, right or wrong.
The Sheep have little understanding of this level of responsibility but decide to judge the Sheepdogs anyway.
There are many reasons why the Sheep may complain about the Sheepdogs or say they don’t want them around.
But when the Wolves are at the door, the Sheep often run to hide behind the Sheepdogs or even complain that there are too few of them or that they didn’t do enough to protect them!
Being a Sheepdog is often a thankless job, with long hours, low pay, high stress, dangerous situations, and more but most do their job admirably every day.
So what should the Sheep do? A good start is to make sure they don’t look like easy prey for the Wolves.
Simply because you are one of the Sheep doesn’t mean you should walk around all day going “Baaaaa!” so the Wolves can find you easier.
Behave somewhat like one of the Sheepdogs. Make reasonable tactical and straegic choices.
Practice Assertive Confidence. Stick with the rest of the herd as much as possible.
Practice basic personal protection skills. Maintain a reasonable defensive posture.
Be a little paranoid. “Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean the Wolves aren’t out to get you.”
Simply put: Don’t look, act or think like a victim.
As one of the Sheep you do not have to follow these guidelines, that is your choice also.
But don’t go crying to the Sheepdogs and say “I cannot believe that happened to me!”
The average American has around a 1-in-3 or 1-in-4 chance of being assaulted (in some form) during their lifetime, depending on what statistics you use.
That is math. You have can lessen the odds of that being you based on choices you make.
But you may still be assaulted merely by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
No matter if you have been assaulted or not, the real question is: Do you want to go through your life thinking and acting like a victim?
For more on Wolves, Sheep and Sheepdogs, check out On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and Peace by LTC (RET) Dave Grossman (ISBN-13: 978-0964920514)
